Finding Home

Miles away from what I nowadays call home, I met a well-known stranger. Tucked deep into the thickly populated neighborhoods of Berlin was my brother’s 5x5m lavish villa. He was hosting me there over a weekend and was courteous enough to show me around the city. After all the fun we had together. We decided to take the local trains on the last day of my trip there. After visiting all the one-O-one most touristy spots on the bucket list, we took the train back to his studio.

We boarded the train bound for Nopoli, an intermediary station on our way home. Since we were dead tired and this trip wasn’t going to be long, we decided to just sit wherever we found seats and didn’t care to sit next to each other. My brother took the window seat which was empty on the right-hand side of the train, basking in the golden hour light from the horizon. And luckily, I found an aisle seat just across from him. I wanted to have him in the vicinity just so I don’t miss the stop to get down at. The window seat to my left was occupied and since I was wearing a puffer jacket, I was able to feel my arm brushing against the person sitting next to me.

I pulled my arms in & tried to adjust to my seat’s width. But I felt something again. It felt as if something was pulling my arm gently away from me. Trying to give them space, I pulled my arm in once again. But this time, I felt it evidently, something was definitely pulling my arm. It felt as if the person next to me was pulling my arm & hugging it tightly. Puzzled and concerned, I tried to glance to my left, but thanks to my thick jacket I wasn’t able to fully turn to look at them. Added to that, my eyeglasses’s corner bridge was blocking my sight when I was trying to look out of the corner of my eyes. I tried to remove my glasses & it still didn’t help a lot. All I was able to make out was that it was a young woman. She faintly asked, “May I hold on to your arm for a little while?”. I froze and didn’t know what to say. She appeared fragile and vulnerable. Vulnerable in a way words couldn’t capture. I sensed she was carrying a silent storm within, one waiting for a soul to share. Didn’t know what to do, I quietly replied “Yeah, sure!” and turned to her to get a better glimpse of her face.

As soon as I replied, she hugged my arms even more tightly and suddenly burst into tears. At this point, I turned towards her, and I was quickly able to make out that she was a fellow South Indian in her 20s, probably younger than me. I don’t know what was going on inside her. Probably she looked at me like a messiah who brought her sweet little hometown, nicely wrapped inside my hands, present thousands of miles away. Her comfort zone from a faraway land, which must’ve felt like an unreachable past of hers. She cried her heart out, while tightly hugging my arm. It looked like she was crying and actually hugging her memories, her past, her hometown, and her dear ones in it, and not really my arm. I have to be honest, I didn’t know what to say. I am not very good at this. I often believe in giving people their space & time. I respect their privacy. So, I gave her some time and my arm. After a couple of minutes, I slowly turned to her & asked,

 “Are you alright?”

 She didn’t answer, but she turned to look at me. Her eyes locked onto my eyes. She didn’t need to answer, her eyes did all the talking. And then I asked her, “Why are you crying? Is something wrong?”. She slowly put herself together and then she explained. She is an international who had come here to study, leaving behind her parents, friends, hometown & ultimately what used to make her, her. Packed her entire life into 2 suitcases, to start everything from scratch for a new beginning here.

“Filled with hopes of finding a job after my studies. It's been 6 months since I graduated. Neither have I managed to get one nor do I have the courage to talk to my parents, who have always been there for me without any judgments. I am currently in a void. I don’t know where I belong. I am no more who I used to be, nor have I become one among this new high society I have discovered here. Managing finance has become harder as the days pass by. Moreover, the fact that I don’t have anyone here to call mine, is deafeningly loud. Amongst this vast silence, that alone has been continuously ringing loudly in my ears.” She said.

She was still holding onto my arm while sharing all this with me. I couldn’t help but look at the bright red sun fading away from its golden hour, slowly vanishing into the horizon, far far away, while the train was speeding through an elevated corridor which for me, magically kept going up and up ever since I saw her. I hoped, silently, that just like that sun, her pain would one day fade into peace. After telling me all this without expecting any replies, she consoled herself. She turned towards the window and started gazing at the sun, without expecting a word from me. Soon after that, the train approached Nopoli. I glanced at my brother—now sitting next to an empty seat. Strange, I thought. Maybe it was meant to be occupied initially, just for this moment to happen. She turned to me, “Thanks, you are a good soul” she said. It felt as if she looked through my soul while saying that. She gently placed my arm back on my lap, stood up, and stepped off the train. Just like that, she was gone. My brother and I walked home in silence. He had no clue what had happened, while I was mentally still on the train.

I don’t know! Even if you go back, will home remain the same? I’ll leave that for you to answer.

This goes out to all fellow internationals, trying to fit in and start afresh. Stay strong, good things are coming your way.

***AI generated Image, doesn't depict the exact scene. This is a work of fiction***